So, I have yet again neglected you my poor blog! (yet again I am REALLY sorry) I've had a pretty busy end of the school year, not quite over yet, this coming week is the last week of "School" but then we have exams.. I'm exempt from all my exams except my math and spanish exam (not sure about English yet, haven't found out results yet) so i have 4 1/2-ish days of school left (yay!!)
I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 4, I really liked it! you should watch it :) I have ensemble auditions coming up on Tuesday (yikes! so nervous!)I'm aiming for Hi-Lo's again, but knowing my luck I'll be in Hi-Notes, I'm fine with that, but I REALLY wanna be in Hi-Lo's they get to do SO much more stuff and... yeah!I went to the beach today, I really enjoyed it but now I have the mother of all sunburns and I HURT... it's lovely.. but I have the skin that turns my sunburns into great tans pretty darn fast.. hopefully my burn is gone by tuesday.
I think the most exciting thing that happened to me was I found myself, you know those movies when the main character has to go through a whole bunch of drama or some totally unrealistic scenario and at the end they say "I finally realized that all I have to be is myself to be truly happy" or something along those lines? yeah, and they just end up being just like everyone else or whatever. well, fortunately I didn't have to have any crazy drama or impossible scenario to find who I was, I just was watching videos of a singer I liked, it just clicked, totally "AH HA!" moment. the clothing, the music, the mindset, it totally fit my personality, it totally fit ME! Truthfully when it all set in I started freaking out with happiness, I actually ran to my mom and almost screamed "MOM! I'm an Indie type of person!! I'm so happy!!!" she just looked at me and said "yeah, I knew that, you're totally Indie, I'm into Indie stuff to!" we started listening to indie music together and I was just in a state of bliss, I still am! So, my description of this epiphany is REALLY bad... but it was REALLY life changing for me, since middle school I've been going through the whole "who the hell am I?" phase and NOTHING would ever fit, this did, I'm in extreme happy mode and I just wanted to share my happiness with you!
More thoughts later~
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
a thousand pardons....
I tend to have this REALLY bad habit of going weeks without blogging, it's not that I have anything better to do, or that I don't have computer access.. I just don't blog. So, I'm sorry, I just really need to blog more, it makes me feel a lot better when I go on long writing rants.
So, I dunno if anyone really reads this, not that I really care, I enjoy blogging and even if I have a bazillion readers or none at all I still am gonna write. But I've realized that I REALLY crave educated, philosophical conversations. Unfortunately my group of friends are not one for any sort of educated conversation, it makes me sad... That's why I'm so excited for college 'cuz then I'll be much more likely to find friends with the same interests and smartness... I'm not saying my friends are smart, they are.. But I always feel like I'm better than them and I feel terrible for it, I don't like feeling better than people, I like there being others that are better than me. I'm also not saying there aren't people better than me, I just don't have the ability to talk to them. The most educated conversations I've had are with my teachers, but I never get to get REALLY good conversations with them. That's the one thing I miss about Fieldcrest (my old school) in 7th grade, there were a LOT of philosophical conversations that I had there. I remember one day we had an overnight at the school and I talked with some teachers and some of my friends until 3 am about.. everything, life death, hidden meanings, some stuff like that. I really do miss that. I think my friends have the ability to talk like that but they don't wanna open up about that kind of thing or they just don't care. I want to meet someone who cares, who's willing to talk about the "what ifs" or the "maybes", someone willing to talk about the big picture in life and isn't focused on their stupid high school drama that's happening that moment.
I strongly believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. when I say something like that my friends either nod their heads or give me a blank stare. Do they even know what I'm talking about? Is it possible that this drama of So-and-so breaking up with me has PURPOSE other than ruining my life? I really do love my friends, don't get me wrong. But it's so frustrating when you can't converse in the way you think, you have to dumb it down, or the type of music you listen to your friends think is garbage, or when you sing they tell you to shut up because they think the song you're singing is stupid. I never thought I'd have friends like this. I thought I'd be a theater geek surrounded by other theater geeks, singing on the bus and conversing about the tragic storyline of "West Side Story" or where we'd audition next. Instead I have friends who only go to my performances because I'm in them or I beg them to come.
Sometimes I just feel so alone, I just want to be friends with someone who is similar to me, not the exact opposite...
More thoughts later
So, I dunno if anyone really reads this, not that I really care, I enjoy blogging and even if I have a bazillion readers or none at all I still am gonna write. But I've realized that I REALLY crave educated, philosophical conversations. Unfortunately my group of friends are not one for any sort of educated conversation, it makes me sad... That's why I'm so excited for college 'cuz then I'll be much more likely to find friends with the same interests and smartness... I'm not saying my friends are smart, they are.. But I always feel like I'm better than them and I feel terrible for it, I don't like feeling better than people, I like there being others that are better than me. I'm also not saying there aren't people better than me, I just don't have the ability to talk to them. The most educated conversations I've had are with my teachers, but I never get to get REALLY good conversations with them. That's the one thing I miss about Fieldcrest (my old school) in 7th grade, there were a LOT of philosophical conversations that I had there. I remember one day we had an overnight at the school and I talked with some teachers and some of my friends until 3 am about.. everything, life death, hidden meanings, some stuff like that. I really do miss that. I think my friends have the ability to talk like that but they don't wanna open up about that kind of thing or they just don't care. I want to meet someone who cares, who's willing to talk about the "what ifs" or the "maybes", someone willing to talk about the big picture in life and isn't focused on their stupid high school drama that's happening that moment.
I strongly believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. when I say something like that my friends either nod their heads or give me a blank stare. Do they even know what I'm talking about? Is it possible that this drama of So-and-so breaking up with me has PURPOSE other than ruining my life? I really do love my friends, don't get me wrong. But it's so frustrating when you can't converse in the way you think, you have to dumb it down, or the type of music you listen to your friends think is garbage, or when you sing they tell you to shut up because they think the song you're singing is stupid. I never thought I'd have friends like this. I thought I'd be a theater geek surrounded by other theater geeks, singing on the bus and conversing about the tragic storyline of "West Side Story" or where we'd audition next. Instead I have friends who only go to my performances because I'm in them or I beg them to come.
Sometimes I just feel so alone, I just want to be friends with someone who is similar to me, not the exact opposite...
More thoughts later
Sunday, May 1, 2011
terrible weekends, jobs, and vloging
I found out that two weekends in a row at my dads house = a mental breakdown on my part. this was NOT a good weekend for me... at ALL.. it involved lots of tears and temporary loss of sanity..yeah.. it was bad. So because my mom is the awesome person that she is, she let me have a mental health day so I wouldn't lose my flipping mind. I needed it, like, REALLY needed it! That mental health day helped me screw my head back on and made me feel like I can totally tackle the rest of the school year w/o getting sick or losing my mind again :).... wait... that didn't sound good.. for me, that's good! but anyways, today is my first day of work, I'm working at a greenhouse, I'll be working as a cashier and all that fun stuff... but I'll be getting paid so that's what matters~ also, I'm thinking of starting vloging,I have a video camera that I never use, I also have a whole lot of time that I never use so I could spend my time doing that! but yeah, I'll start vloging soon (hopefully)
more thoughts later~
more thoughts later~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)