wow, been a while since I wrote!well until recently nothing blog worthy has happened to me. I'm back together with my ex, Adam. I love him so much :) I've been doing well in school and all that. So for a while all was well in Kayla land!
but yesterday I had some drama. I had gotten back from my date with adam, we went to the movies and saw Scott pilgrim vs. the world (not as good as the comic series but funny) and Vampires suck (VERY funny!)and I was talking on facebook when one of my friends started messaging me, totally normal, right? so out of the blue she told me her friend said I was a dumbass to date adam again. it kinda shocked me, for one why would I care what her friend thinks? and two, why would she send me that? all I could say is "well, then I'm gonna be a proud dumbass" then she said her friend said I was a slut... WHY does she keep telling me this? it was REALLY starting to piss me off so again I said "so? then I'll be a proud slut" so we were quiet for a while, then I got a huge message, it kinda went like this "WOW, you're SUCH a slut! you fucking had sex with your boyfriend in front of your friends? No one wants to see your dick! the only reason your boyfriend kisses you is cuz he closes his eyes so he doesn't have to see your ugly face! and get rid of those boobs cuz they're like, twice the size of your fat head" and it went on and on... I actually started shaking from how mad I was.. I WAS hurt from wat that girl said, but I was more hurt that my friend didn't stop her or tell her "hey, you're going a little too far" I dunno if I even wanna be friends with this person anymore either! I was really frazzled, but talked to my friends and my boyfriend and they helped me settle down. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!
SO that's the main drama that's been happening to me :P lovely, right?
Sigh...
ReplyDeleteHoney, hold your head up and don't give these people any space in your mind or heart. Technology has been an amazing advancement in many ways- your blog is an example. In others? Well her ability to slam you without having to face you is a phenomenon that troubles all of us no matter how old we are.
Drama should be left on the stage, and unfortunately many of those addicted to it don't have the skills or capacity to find and appreciate that outlet.
My advice as an older, "wiser" woman who's had her share of unnecessary drama is not to respond, and they'll get bored and (unfortunately) find a new target.
Or even better, respond with questions or statements that will likely rattle them a little and force them to rethink what they've done. Such as, "Wow...are you ok? What's going on in your life that is causing you to lash out at other people this way?" Or "Your feelings are not shared by anyone who knows me well. They are also yours and not mine to own. This conversation is abusive and it's also over."
Prepare a script ahead of time, anticipating the next ambush so you'll be able to remain calm and stick to that script no matter what. It doesn't have to be those exact words, but they'll work if you can't think of anything else. The surest way to keep this battle going is to engage in return fire, defend yourself and take their bait.
By doing so you are giving them reinforcement (a reward that they were seeking- upsetting you.) This will continue the harassment. And I always find that I start to feel better when I control that by not participating, by not giving their actions or words any weight or power.
Hope that helps and that you can focus yourself on more positive things without this kind of drama. :)
thanks so much Zen! that was really great advice :)
ReplyDeleteIt was a good post M, and perhaps something we need to incorporate in a play that we can take out to schools. I've had that idea rolling around in my head since the whole mean girls movement was brought to my attention during another incident with my stepdaughter's school. Hugs :)
ReplyDelete