powerful stuff.....

I REALLY enjoyed this article from the ACA big book, really powerful!

Adults don’t understand. Or they forgot.
Maybe it is too painful to remember.
Issues from their childhood are buried in a
hidden place they cannot easily find.

The adults say they don’t mean to hurt us.
They don’t know exactly why they act like they do, but
they do it anyway. They try to control us, and they
punish us. They overreact to little things, then miss
the bigger issues.

They constantly argue with one another
without realizing we are listening. They miss
our feelings, our needs, and our questions. They tell
us that we are not good enough, then complain that
we have low self-esteem.

Many adults can have no fun. Others can’t be serious
enough to listen. Inconsistency and chaos is the
rule.

Many of our parents have difficulties at work
and with their friends. As their children, we see and
live these problems with them. They criticize themselves
or us without mercy. Sometimes they want to
live our lives instead of living their own.

At times we become the parent. We take care of our brothers
and sisters, and we take care of our parents, too. Often
we think their arguments are our fault.

They tell us they want us to have a better life than they
had. But we grow up feeling guilty about what they
give us. They tell us we are lazy and ungrateful and
blame our school or our friends for our behavior.

We see, we think, and we feel; we also choose,
and we dream. But our human freedoms are often
denied. We are told what to see through the eyes of
our parents who are adult children of dysfunction.
We’re taught that our views are wrong even
though the truth is right before us. We are taught to
fear our thoughts and then we are ridiculed for not
thinking. Our choices are shamed; our dreams are
ridiculed and belittled.

We know how to act out and get attention. We
seem invisible, but we react with the passion of
youth, and we struggle mightily to survive
as we seek our own identity. The family chaos
will not allow us to be truly seen.

Our emerging strengths are both a benefit and a
problem. As we grow, feelings surge forth with a
force we’ve never known. Our loves are great and
our disappointments crushing. The exhilaration of
life takes our breath away, just like the nights spent
cringing in terror at home.

In this world of denial and confusion we find our
way. We experience pain and abandonment, then
cry out for connection the only way we know,
ways that sometimes hurt ourselves or others.

We swing between extremes. We
love our parents and hate what they do. We need
them so much, but we want to leave them. We
want to be like them, but we promise never to be
like them. We live in a land of black and white
where there is no gray. Our needs are complex and
compelling. We are teen children of alcoholic, addicted,
or dysfunctional homes.

Yet, we have hope. Deep in the darkness we
seek a light of truth and our rightful freedoms. We
review our chaotic life. We look at our parents’ alcoholism
or dysfunction and label it as such. We
say, “My parent is an alcoholic” and feel relief. We
understand that we didn’t cause this behavior, and
we can’t cure it.

We release our need to control
others and begin focusing on ourselves. We find
identity and hope with our friends in ACA. We take
responsibility for learning, understanding, and talking
about the truth inside each of us. Our feelings become
known. We make healthy choices as we learn
to love ourselves and parent ourselves. We can talk
about what happened. We have courage inside that
we are discovering. We celebrate a newfound peace
and serenity.

We are ready to embrace the promise
of our new lives in ACA Teen.