Updates with my life

Hello dear blogspot! I keep neglecting you so much... Sorry about that... Ive been infatuated with tumblr lately, but I felt the need to type something instead of posting pictures. So... Im a finalist in Canton Idol.. KINDA a big deal (for me at least) so thats exciting :) but other than that... Nothing really is going on. My forever alone status is still in effect.. Basically friendless and dateless for a while now (dateless for about a year and a half now) but yeah.. Im REALLY lonely. Its insane... Like, even the most unpopular and creepy kids at my school have more friends than I do... Sometimes I wonder if I actually have friends... Idk.. Its weird.. I know Ive been wallowing in my self-pity of friendlessness for months now.. But this is insane. Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke.. And I want it to stop. My self confidence is SO low right now, if people remember my NAME that makes my day, its sad. Im sad... Im VERY sad, and I just don't know what to do... I dont feel like I have purpose anymore, life isn't awesome anymore. It sucks. The only person that really talks to me at school is this creepy guy who stalks me... And I REALLY don't wanna talk to him. But its like... What choice do I have? I dont have any other human interaction. And im venting again but Im sad. I know the ocassional person reads this blog but Im just here to vent, ok? Its 2 am and I want to vent to something.. But anyways. I honestly think that If I died or something happened.. No one would care. No one knows who I am so why do I matter? ( btw I am NOT stating tht I want to die, im just stating that no one would care if I did) my only friends I never get to talk to and either dont go to my school or I dont have any classes with.. They ignore my texts or are too busy to put up with me. This TOTALLY helps my self-esteem btw, it makes me feel even more like im worthless. Im weird, awkward, have NO style cuz im so poor, have ugly hair, and am invisible. I hate being invisible, but thats who I am. Im the invisible girl who will never be noticed by anyone for her entire life. Fuck it all