broken promises: a Rant

I'm not gonna lie.. I'm REALLY pissed.... We had an Aida promo day today, something (probably) most people would dread but I was kinda looking forward to. But the plug was pulled on me. by my father. who called this promo day a "hardship" for him. sure. be that way. but please tell me how waking up at 7:30 is a hardship. It's not like I'm asking you to get run over by a truck. or get attacked by mobsters. THOSE are hardships... and I seriously though by now YOU of all people would know what a REAL hardship is. I seriously wanted to go, I don't care how stupid it might of been in other peoples' opinions. Dad. Your house is my prison. I hate it here... I just wanted to get out. That one chance I had. you took away from me. People in the real world can get up that early without it being a hardship, that's sleeping in for them. but why should I compare dysfunction to normalcy? Maybe I'm the stupid one here. maybe I'm the selfish one here. I don't really care anymore though. I want out. please let me out. this prison...this life... is seriously killing me. you might think I'm overreacting about this if you're reading. But I've had too many broken promises. too many weekends in Akron feeling my brain melt because there's nothing other then vegging to do here. I want control of my own life. I don't want to have it controlled by other people just because they don't feel like taking me somewhere or they're just too old, too tired, or just don't feel like doing it. I know this is a serious rant. I don't know if anyone would read it. but I can't keep this bottled up inside of me. I can't. just the same way I can't face you dad. I can't say no. I'm too scared. I want out.

super fast summary of my day

today was a mixed awesome/bad day... the beginning was pretty bad but it got better in the end because:

1) I hung out with people who made my face hurt because I was laughing so hard
2) I let out my inner black girl (funness!!)
3) I LEARNED HOW TO TIE MY SHOES!!!!!! (yes, I knew how to tie my shoes beforehand, don't judge!)

as you know, I'm in Aida but unfortunately I don't really have any super close friends in it so... I'm kinda shy. luckily I have a friend, Ali and she let me kinda follow her around because I didn't know anyone (well) so I sat with her and her friends (who are VERY funny) I was totally splitting my sides from laughing so hard, I though we were gonna get yelled at! It was tons of fun though! later I went to go get a hair tie and I ended up talking to the amazing Chelsea Roden and a girl named Lisa who is a foreign exchange student who spent almost 15 minutes teaching us how to tie our shoes super fast, I felt so smart once i got it :) but that was a super fast summary of my day today, I'd go into more detail but unfortunately I have an annoying 12 year old sister yelling at me to get off... I'll try to post more blog entries over the weekend.

More thoughts later

the high school drill

so high school (in my book) is spelled: D-R-A-M-A but to tell you the truth it's not that bad, it's just when ANYTHING happens EVERYONE makes it seem like the whole world is over... it's HIGH SCHOOL people! I can promise you the world is NOT over because so-and-so is dating whats-her-face or whatnot! I wish people could get that through their heads.... but again... it's high school so my expectations are probably a little too high...

Aida has been going REALLY well, I've been meeting lots of awesome people and I've realized how much I've missed being in big onstage musicals... even though its REALLY hard work, I love it :) ah, I'm not really in the mood to type anything like this right now, I'll post something different in a bit :P

Dancing! Bruises! MAGIC~!!!!!!! :D

soo... if you can't tell by the title I've been in Aida for the past 2-ish weeks.... at first the daily practices were pure pain and suffering (A.K.A me limping around school pitifully after the grueling 3-4 hour rehearsals) but now I feel.... graceful? But once I got over the incredible muscle pains I found multiple bruises all over my poor little body -___- which are pretty painful themselves sooo..... yea.... Pain has been pretty frequent for me lately... But lately rehearsals have been.... fun! For example: my back was feeling pretty stiff and I'm like "what the heck, I'll just stretch!" so I do this... half back bend-ish.. thing... and I come back up from my stretch and one of my fellow cast members is looking at me and then says "that was just magical...." I think it completely made my day :) I've had lots of other "only this type of thing could happen here" kinda moments.... lots of spirit fingers and somewhat-awkward poses. But after Aida I'm SO tired I normally eat, take a shower, talk to my family a bit, then go to bed.... I have seriously neglected hanging out with my friends... until today.... can you guess why?!?!?! WE HAD A FREAKING SNOW DAY! (I really hope we didn't have practice though... I didn't go!) sooo... more thoughts later~

New year, new-ish stuff!

Hello my dear blog! oh how I've missed you... I'm sorry I haven't written in forever, my computer is dead and my mom won't let me use hers long enough for me to blog but I'm at my dad's now! so totally different story :D

So you know that guy that I really liked? Well, we ended up dating! It was pretty great at first, flirting all the time, watching movies at his house, bowling, all that fun stuff... But it was missing SOMETHING I tried to explain it to my mom and stuff but she didn't really get it... But some of my friends did... It's that spark, you know? The thing that REALLY makes you more than just friends, but I just wasn't feeling it... At all... Which is kinda depressing to tell you the truth because he's a REALLY nice guy... Probably the nicest guy I've ever met so yeaaa..... Whatever happens, happens, I'm basically just giving this to God. I know he'll turn me in the right direction, he always has.

The other day my friend told me to talk to my ex. So I did... I was actually planning on talking to him, I felt really bad for being such a Bitch to him.... Being a bitch (even though I can be one... a lot) just makes me feel all gross about myself. So I started talking to him on Facebook and he filled me in on all the drama I've missed (which is a LOT) so there's that :P But I'm going back to school tomorrow and I now have brown hair (none of my friends have seen me with brown hair!) which is my natural hair color, so that'll be pretty cool!

So I decided (because I had a serious lack of things to do) that I'm gonna work out regularly... I LOVE it! I feel so much better about myself, it's really great :) I run about... 8 miles a week, not AMAZING but that's not counting walking in school and walking the dog and anything else I do.

This New Year's was pretty fun! I was with my best friend, Jojo, and we stayed up watching the TV show, House, and it was SO fun!!!! I'm hooked on that and Dr. Who now~!

Hope your New year was awesome!
More thoughts later