this feeling.....

I've felt it before.... damn it I have a crush again!!!! I guess it's not a bad thing since the guy I like likes me too... but it's weird because we're not going out yet. I guess this feeling's more anticipation than anything, the gut wrenching thing that when you like someone... it feels like something's tugging at your heart and soul, that warms your whole body from the tip of your head to the toes of your feet. it's wonderful, yet horrible at the same time... it's weird to explain actually.... but when I feel it I can't help but smile, but it still feels like a million knives stabbing me. it's a crazy paradox of feelings..... its so confusing xD

I know I know, i seem to post about guys i like a LOT on this blog.. but this is kinda a vent thing for me, not just for negative feelings, but wonderfully painful positive ones too! and I really didn't have anything to write about until now :P

changes

there are a LOT of changes in my life right now.... changes in health, who my friends are, and aren't. who they're dating... who I'M dating, who I like and dislike, grades lifestyle, the list goes on and on. But what I've found the REAL challenge with all this is is accepting change, it's hard. Change can just be simply going down a different hallway in school or as big as having to go to your dad's house every other weekend because your parents are separated. but any change in your life will effect you, weather positively or negatively is up to you. When me and my boyfriend split up he got a girlfriend REALLY fast (as I mentioned in my last blog post)BIG change for a teenage girl, right? but anyways I wanted to take it personally but I didn't ( it was REALLY hard not to tho!) but I still avoided my ex a lot so I changed where I sat at lunch and what hallways I go down so I don't run into him. I know it seems like a lot, but I've been a LOT happier since I made those changes, I don't have to worry about not making eye contact with him or having something to say if he decides to talk to me (which would REALLY stress me out and would bring my day down) but it's all been working out for me, just because of these changes! I've moved on to better people ;) and I'm SO pumped for the rest of my sophomore year!!

... just a side note: I'm SO sorry I haven't been posting regularly, sickness and catching up and school and drama (high school is full of it) has kept me super busy! soooo... I am gonna try my hardest to keep posting ( as regularly as I can) from now on... I love you guys! and thanks for reading <3

more thoughts later~

well, guys can be total man whores! so in my last post i told you all that we broke up... not even 12 HOURS he finds someone else to go out with.... 12 HOURS!!!! like i know you gotta move on but, have some self respect dude!

done with that rant! :D

I've been actually having a good day! me and my choir kicked butt in our first concert, I found out I have a solid 3.8 GPA (without even trying xD)I get to go shopping tomorrow :)I'm gonna see the midnight showing of the new harry potter movie with my dad in November and I'm sipping a warm, yummy pumpkin spice latte, life is GOOD~! :D

more thoughts later!

.... and it all falls down

there are some decisions in life that are REALLY hard to make, they're the decisions that could potentially change your life for better, or for worse. I had to make one today, it was REALLY big... I had to decide if i wanted to break up with my boyfriend... and i did, I had been feeling like something wasn't quite right. and I know that no relationship is perfect, but something wasn't right and i didn't feel very safe. and I kinda missed the freedom of being single. my friends are prolly mad at me and they're allowed to be. I was gonna wait a little longer until I was gonna break up with him.. but it was painful, like i thought i was gonna be sick each time he looked at me because i knew he loved me and I just couldn't love him back. not the way he did. but there were boundaries crossed, i never verbalized them, but how can you say "you're loving me too much, can you stop?" it's weird.. you know? but the relationship was too... close i guess is the word i'm looking for. it felt like we were joined at the hip a lot. and if you know me in real life you'd know how independent i am and that i need space. I'm not used to having to hold someone's hand (not literally) all the time, I'm not used to having to basically take care of something that seems so delicate that it'll break... it's hard... really hard....

ugh... my phone went through the wash... crossing my fingers that it survives!!!! (I'm prolly gonna have more short sweet and to the point blog posts like this cuz I'm REALLY busy!)

nothing new!

ugh! i havent had ANYTHING to wright about lately (SORRY!!!!) I'm still not talking to the person who's friend hated on me. I'm still with my boyfriend. I still have good grades. really nothing new... and I promise if ANYTHING exciting comes up I'll post!! I just wanna prove i havent forgotten about this blog!!
more thoughts later

Haters.... they need to get a life!

wow, been a while since I wrote!well until recently nothing blog worthy has happened to me. I'm back together with my ex, Adam. I love him so much :) I've been doing well in school and all that. So for a while all was well in Kayla land!

but yesterday I had some drama. I had gotten back from my date with adam, we went to the movies and saw Scott pilgrim vs. the world (not as good as the comic series but funny) and Vampires suck (VERY funny!)and I was talking on facebook when one of my friends started messaging me, totally normal, right? so out of the blue she told me her friend said I was a dumbass to date adam again. it kinda shocked me, for one why would I care what her friend thinks? and two, why would she send me that? all I could say is "well, then I'm gonna be a proud dumbass" then she said her friend said I was a slut... WHY does she keep telling me this? it was REALLY starting to piss me off so again I said "so? then I'll be a proud slut" so we were quiet for a while, then I got a huge message, it kinda went like this "WOW, you're SUCH a slut! you fucking had sex with your boyfriend in front of your friends? No one wants to see your dick! the only reason your boyfriend kisses you is cuz he closes his eyes so he doesn't have to see your ugly face! and get rid of those boobs cuz they're like, twice the size of your fat head" and it went on and on... I actually started shaking from how mad I was.. I WAS hurt from wat that girl said, but I was more hurt that my friend didn't stop her or tell her "hey, you're going a little too far" I dunno if I even wanna be friends with this person anymore either! I was really frazzled, but talked to my friends and my boyfriend and they helped me settle down. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!

SO that's the main drama that's been happening to me :P lovely, right?