Goals and ASL

Hello my dear an lovely blog!

This weekend has been one of those weekends that you expect to do nothing but find out you'll hardly be home... yeah, other than yesterday I've had a pretty busy weekend and today will definitely be the busiest and what sucks is I have to finish up my english project stuff but I don't have time! (GRAWR!) I'll probably have another night staying up until 11:30 or so working on this project (dear God I hope not) But I REALLY don't wanna be a zombie again on Monday :/

Since I last posted I've made a couple goals (both involve my mother) I want to take a yoga class with her and I want to learn ASL with her. The first goal was inspired by a TV show my family and I enjoy watching and the other was inspired last night.

Last night my mom took me and my little sister, Mary (not the evil one), to see a deaf storyteller (the guy had an interpreter). Her main reason for going was for business, she's the project manager (or something along those lines) for a deaf study at Kent state University, so she was gonna hand out fliers and stuff at the end. The place was packed with both deaf and hearing people to see this storyteller, the show opened with a deaf choir signing to "I believe I can fly", it was really great, I was really impressed with the soul they put into a song that they couldn't hear. Then after a long introduction the storyteller came out, he was AMAZING!He told us all these hilarious stories and had a couple little skits that involved some of the deaf (or people that could sign) in the audience. This man was so inspiring, he had so much energy and emotion and everyone loved him, during most of his stories I was almost crying from laughing so hard, but I felt that I could've gotten more out of the experience if I understood sign language. So at the end of the show my mom was looking for some people she knew were deaf from other events she went to and asked me to hand a flier to a deaf kid that was in one of the skits, so I did and I was able to sign to him "I don't know ASL" and he said he knew and I handed him the flier and said something to his friend (who my mom gave a flier to earlier) I'm pretty sure he asked if they got money from doing the study and his friend said yes and they both got really excited. It was so strange there though, it was like culture shock.. there were hundreds of conversations going on at once but hardly any sound other than the non- deaf people talking. and after every skit the applause was silent because we were waving our hands like jazz hands to represent applause instead of actually clapping. it was actually really cool.

But now my dear blog, I need to go worship god for an hour or so, go to Kent, go to my modeling audition and THEN look at colleges some more with my mom. wish me luck~!

more thoughts later

my weekend

so, my friend came over Thursday night because she got kicked out of her house (read previous post) and I haven't blogged since then... it wasn't bad, she told me what happened and it made me completely lose respect for a girl I had hardly any respect for, I won't reveal any details, but what she did was low and if I could punch hard and could deal with the guilt of punching someone I would knock her out, but because I can do neither I just have to live with the fact that she's a bitch.

But other than my piece of drama there I really have done nothing special this weekend. It really only consisted of sleeping, eating, and watching Dr. Who. and even then I didn't eat much (I think like 3 "meals" it was pathetic.) But if you know me, I DO enjoy Dr. Who... a lot.. I am a proud dork who is a not quite, but kinda is, fanatic of that show. It's really the only thing that makes me look forward to a weekend at my dad's.. pathetic... I might go crazy if he keeps us so locked up in his house..

But Dr. Who.. a British TV show that hardly anyone has heard of has somewhat kept my sanity (a.k.a I don't wanna tear someone's head off from the intense boredom of my father's house)But this is a show you either love or hate, so obviously.. I love it.. It kinda just lets my mind wander and let my imagination create it's own stories and basically... keep me from killing someone.. but when I watch it I think "ah I wish I had a British accent... British accents are hot..." btw I totally have the hots for the two guys that play the main characters in the two latest seasons... gosh I'm a dork.... I WOULD LOVE TO MARRY/DATE A BRITISH GUY!!!! <3

more thoughts later~

what to do?

My gosh, this is gonna be a crazy night... I got a call on my phone while I was geeking out playing Kingdom hearts on my DS from one of my friends: "hey, I'm with so-and-so and she got kicked out of her house, can she come over?" I remember hearing my mom say a few months ago "I will always welcome your friends if they need a safe house, but only for 24 hours." so I say I'll ask my mom, she says yes so I just finished frantically cleaning my room in order for her to be able to see my floor and/or sleep on my floor... I hope this goes well... she's one of those people that can stay up all night and still go to school, I need 7 hours minimum to function.... I also wake up at 5 am to get ready.... yeah.....

spoke too soon...

So earlier today I posted that there wasn't really any drama going on in my life, gosh, I shouldn't say things like that.. it's like I jinxed the no-dramaness of my life....

It's not really any type of conflict with my friends, it's a conflict inside myself. I have this problem that I need to feel accepted, always, or at least comfortable with my surroundings. This evening I felt neither, I felt like a 3rd wheel.. I was invited to go skating with some of my good friends.. basically some of my BEST friends. all of them had dates, and of course I didn't, so basically I'm skating by myself. sometimes my friends come up behind me and poke me or something, but they get bored with me because I'm not a super fast skater OR they're more occupied with their date. Suddenly the gut wrenching feeling of "oh my gosh, I'm a 3rd wheel and I don't know anyone else here at all, what am I gonna do?!" I freak out very quickly and self-judge myself a lot so this soon became a spiral downwards of negativeness, loneliness, and I guess I just got scared because a voice inside me started saying "you're not welcome here, no one wants you here, get out you waste of space" etc. etc. etc.... I seriously thought I was just gonna go into the bathroom and cry, that would've been VERY bad because if my friends saw me I'd have to explain that I was basically acting like a 3 year old that wanted attention and didn't get her way. So I tried to suck it up and tried to have a good time skating (skating's really relaxing for me) but I just kept feeling worse and worse until I thought I was gonna toss my cookies from trying to hold in all these emotions... so I called my mom to come pick me up. some of my friends saw me taking my skates off and asked if I was leaving and not to go and when I said no they just left and kept skating (which is fine with me because I didn't want to make up anything and dig myself in a hole)

so now as I type my self-pitying words to either my faithful readers or just cyber space, I bid you all goodnight. sorry for this completely terrible post, I needed to vent very badly!

more thoughts later~

Here is a list...

...of things I've done lately:
Wrote positive things on my desk and see if anyone would respond
Told someone they inspired me
Tried to pick out the notes of a song so I could sing my part correctly in choir
came to my school 5 hours after school to learn how to dance
FINALLY got the family computer back (and fixed) HALLELUJAH!
went to an art museum
went to a soda fountain and tried something I've never had before
went to a dog adoption place and pet adorable puppies
got a cavity filled and dealt with half my face being numb for almost all day
complained about people a LOT

so yeah! that's a list of just SOME of the things I've done lately :)
My choir(s) have started May Fiesta and I've been doing a LOT of dancing, I love it because the dances are SO easy compared to the musical so I kinda "show off" but yeah, it's super fun and I really don't know what to say anymore because really there hasn't been very much drama in my life lately (which is a good thing!)

more thoughts later~

Spring break

My life has been falling together pretty nicely lately. Me and my sister are GETTING ALONG (Gasp! did hell freeze over or something?) I really don't have any drama going on, my parents divorce isn't bugging me anymore, I know what I want to be when I grow up, (this makes me really excited!) and yeah. life is good!

So, I wanna talk about what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be an Occupational Therapist. These types of therapists work with people who have sensory integration disorder (known as "SI" to the therapists), and a few other things but I'll use myself as an example since I have a mild case of SI: I can't stand balloons, I'm afraid they'll pop and the noise a balloon makes when it pops makes me want to cry. I also can't wash dishes, it makes me want to puke. and finally I am a HUGELY picky eater, I can't stand certian textures (soups and salads are the bane of my existance) but Occupational therapists help you kinda get over that, or help you live with it. But what REALLY fascinates me is how they treat kids. They basically play with them! I shadowed a therapy place for kids... Oh my gosh, it was like my heaven on earth! I LOVE working with kids! and that's your job all day every day! haha I could deal with that!

But other than the epiphany I had about what I wanna be my Spring break has been lazy and laid back, not do nothing ALL the time but it's not rushed with all this "oh my god! I need to do this and that and the other thing in the next hour!" kinda thing. one other thing: after I think a week or so of nice weather and no-snowness Ohio decided to plop a huge thing of snow on us yesterday and it's almost melted... why do I live in such a bipolar state??

More thoughts later.

(P.s it was the 1 year mark of my grandpa's death this past Sunday, it's also the 1 year mark of my blog!)

sickness...

...is the bane of my existence... I seriously hate being sick because I get sick ALL the time, and my sickness has the WORST timing.. normally during the end of the grading period or when i have a lot of tests... If you didn't already know, my immune system is terrible and if I get a cold it can turn into a hospital trip pretty easily. yeah... today I've been alone at my house with nothing to do other than read and sleep, I've hardly eaten anything and what I have eaten I haven't been able to taste so its crazy gross and I feel like I sound like a bitch whining about how sick I am xP
more thoughts later