damn you feelings!

have you ever had conflicting feelings about something that's REALLY important to you? I'm having that right now... and it sucks! it feels like my mind's playing tug-of-war with me, but no one's winning... so all that'll be accomplished will be me having a horrible headache afterwords. I've tried music , I sing, I draw, but this problem won't get out of my head! so I'm trying writing :P I did something I shouldn't have done and it got me into a mess, it's not QUITE a mess yet but it will be soon enough.. it's my fault no matter how much I, or anyone else involved denies it. But the one to get me out of the mess can't be me, it has to be my friend, it's not fair to him, and he has to make a tough decision because of my mistake. I hate how my one mistake (I don't wanna say it's a mistake, but it kinda is :/) caused so much confusion, just because of my conflicting feelings on something. it's like one part of my mind was screaming "NO! YOU KNOW THAT SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN LATER ON! DON'T DO IT!!!" and the other one was urging me on, saying "you never take chances, do something exciting! you never do anything out of your comfort zone. just try it!" no, it's not drugs, I'd be able to fix that by myself xD and if I'm susceptible to catnip (which I am... lame ,right?) I'd be in even BIGGER trouble xD

ANYWAYS I'm totally freaking out about this... and just needed to kinda vent my feelings( this is REALLY turning into a vent blog xD)

thanks for reading :D