I hope no one reads this...

At least I hope none of my friends do... cuz I'm gonna talk about them....
WARNING THIS IS A RANT!
As my life has gone on and I've been I guess... finding myself or whatever, Ive found that the more I learn about me, the less I REALLY know... and I think I know why.. It's my friends.. Don't get me wrong, I REALLY love them, I REALLY, REALLY do but it's almost like they're holding me back without knowing it. and this doesn't go for all of my friends, just a vast majority of them. It's really hard to become your authentic self when every time you're with your friends you're ridiculed. I know they don't mean it to be mean, but I don't like being called a dork for liking British TV shows and Broadway musicals. I don't like being called a nerd for actually liking books and having a GPA higher than a 3.0 OR for actually ENJOYING school (gasp! the horror!) and not moping around complaining how much I hate it. I don't like being told that my music I like is stupid and I should listen to songs where people are screaming like pigs about death and killing themselves. I don't like how I can't have a freaking intellectual conversation with basically ANY of my friends. I don't like that none of my friends care about how my life is going. I don't like that because I won't go out with any of the 5 guys that have asked me out I'm called a bitch. I don't like that the only people who REALLY understand me are my mom and a girl I've hung out with ONCE. I don't like how my friends have NO self-esteem and it makes me feel like a jerk because I DO. I don't like how my friends joke about how weak I am. I don't like how I'm basically made fun of EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY because I actually CARE how I do in school, I CARE about myself, I CARE ABOUT LIFE!

I DON'T LIKE HOW MY FRIENDS TREAT ME!

wow... this got really angry, really fast... but anyways.. I'm thinking I might need to find a couple new friends that can help me with my dilemma... all I can do now is pray that I can find some...