1300 things to be greatful for, week 2

21. Learning new things that you never thought you'd learn
22. Sitting on the porch with neighbors, watching the sun set
23. The beauty of sound
24. A GREAT book
25. The knowledge that there's SOMEONE out there that cares
26. The sound of leaves in the wind
27. My cats!
28. Having a place (my blogs) where I can rant my feelings
29. Shooting stars
30. bug spray

I hope no one reads this...

At least I hope none of my friends do... cuz I'm gonna talk about them....
WARNING THIS IS A RANT!
As my life has gone on and I've been I guess... finding myself or whatever, Ive found that the more I learn about me, the less I REALLY know... and I think I know why.. It's my friends.. Don't get me wrong, I REALLY love them, I REALLY, REALLY do but it's almost like they're holding me back without knowing it. and this doesn't go for all of my friends, just a vast majority of them. It's really hard to become your authentic self when every time you're with your friends you're ridiculed. I know they don't mean it to be mean, but I don't like being called a dork for liking British TV shows and Broadway musicals. I don't like being called a nerd for actually liking books and having a GPA higher than a 3.0 OR for actually ENJOYING school (gasp! the horror!) and not moping around complaining how much I hate it. I don't like being told that my music I like is stupid and I should listen to songs where people are screaming like pigs about death and killing themselves. I don't like how I can't have a freaking intellectual conversation with basically ANY of my friends. I don't like that none of my friends care about how my life is going. I don't like that because I won't go out with any of the 5 guys that have asked me out I'm called a bitch. I don't like that the only people who REALLY understand me are my mom and a girl I've hung out with ONCE. I don't like how my friends have NO self-esteem and it makes me feel like a jerk because I DO. I don't like how my friends joke about how weak I am. I don't like how I'm basically made fun of EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY because I actually CARE how I do in school, I CARE about myself, I CARE ABOUT LIFE!

I DON'T LIKE HOW MY FRIENDS TREAT ME!

wow... this got really angry, really fast... but anyways.. I'm thinking I might need to find a couple new friends that can help me with my dilemma... all I can do now is pray that I can find some...

Taking the heat

I'm not good at it... at all... It makes me cranky and easily angered and I don't like it.. murr... My family isn't good at living in the heat either my sister is screaming her head off because she's bored, my brother locked himself in his room because he's mad at my sister and I'm about to snap... grr.. I wanna go somewhere but it's too hot to go anywhere and my body is like in a "I don't want to move unless i absolutely have to because it's too damn hot" mode so... ahhh!!! I need help D:

1300 things to be greatful for, week 1

So, I've decided to do this thing called "1300 things to be grateful for" I'll try to get on like.. once a week to post this segment, I think it'll be a good challenge and I'll do my best to keep up with this! sooooo here we go~
1. a good cup of coffee
2. a mother who is always there for you
3. chocolate... yes, chocolate
4. falling asleep to thunderstorms
5. waking up to birds chirping
6. having air conditioning in my room
7. finding a friend who is like your "soul mate"
8. a good cry
9. a hand to hold when you need it most
10.yoga
11.Dr. Who
12.great music to blast when you're in a bad mood
13.a good book to curl up to
14.Harry Potter
15.The smell of the air after a storm
16.A cool breeze when you need it most
17.The feeling that you're flying when you bike down a hill really fast
18.the color blue
19.conversations that could go on for hours
20.A perfect hair day

Late on posting this but...

Just wanted to say Harry Potter was AWESOME! i had a great time. I went to the 12:02 showing on Friday Morning and got special harry potter 3D glasses, fun, fun, fun! It wasn't as much of a mind-blowing experience as the last movie, the crowd was ok i guess but last year they were INSANE and totally into character and I knew no one so it was kinda weird.. but the movie itself was good and it was good closure for me.. kinda sad though, it's been part of my life for the past 10-ish years and it's... over... SO.VERY.WEIRD!!! But other than Harry Potter I haven't had anything super exciting happen to me... so... yeah...
more thoughts later~

Conversations over coffe are awesome

Happy 100th post!!!! yay!!!!!

So, Today I had one of the most fantastic days ever. I met a friend that I haven't seen all summer and had coffee, we started talking and OH. MY. GOSH. she was AMAZING to talk to! we started having a REALLY deep conversation (something I've wanted from someone my age in FOREVER) unlike my group of friends she didn't shut down on me when we got to some really sensitive stuff, she was very open and WE BOTH GOT TO TALK! it wasn't all about me and it wasn't all about her, it was perfect... words cannot describe how fulfilling this conversation was... it was just... deep and just, so cleansing. I was biking home from having coffee and my soul just felt a billion times lighter. It's one thing to talk to someone older and "wiser" about stuff that's happened in the past and relating to it, but it's another thing to talk to someone my age and just to be completely 100% able to relate to things... ah... It was FANTASTIC!

just thought you should know :)

more thoughts later~

What I do at midnight

So I had a sleepover with a friend, the same friend I had that terrible scare with a while ago and the same friend that I haven't really talked to really at all since that happened... I missed her! So, we decided that we would sneak out last night during our sleepover after her grandparents went to sleep and walk around town/her neighborhood. So, if you haven't noticed from my past posts... I am NOT a rule breaker... I REALLY hate breaking rules.. and by sneaking out and walking around at midnight or so was breaking legal curfew... oooh terrible, I know... but she got me to leave and I was TOTALLY convinced that we would get caught by the police and get in trouble or get raped and murdered or something.. so basically I was paranoid for the beginning half of us walking around town. Most of the time we talked about things that didn't really matter that much, mostly it was how freaked out I was or how she felt the same way when she first sneaked out. We walked to the local park and sat on the swings, talked about music and how creepy those two cars in the parking lot of the park were, we could see the silhouette of SOMEONE in the front seat of one of the cars who was moving like crazy.. we took guesses about what he was doing (most of them were very inappropriate) but eventually we had to go because of being eaten up by bugs and the sudden urgency to pee, so we went home, took care of business and went back outside and looked at the stars. As I look back on this experience, I have to say it was one of the best I've had... I just wanted to share it with all of you lovely people :)

(P.S SO close to 100 posts!!)

more thoughts later~